Published to FB Notes on June 9, 2016
Grief has been no stranger to any of us in 2016. It has taken some of our most beloved idols and some of our cherished friends. For some of us it took away a future that we dreamed of for our children. Sure it was a Utopian dream, but we are allowed to dream. Who better to dream for than the future we want for our kids. One where someone who is genuinely good might run what many think is the greatest country in the world. One, where the country that has labeled itself the greatest country in the world might live up to the standards more humble countries provide to its citizens. Equality. Opportunity. It’s idyllic, but I wanted it for my child. I wanted it for all children. So, Bernie losing doesn’t just mean my candidate lost. It means so much more than that to me. And, while you may not appreciate that and you may think I’m being dramatic, please take a second to understand I, and many like me, are in mourning. Some people have been more resilient and flexible and I applaud them. I don’t think they loved Sanders any less than me or had less at stake, but as they say, everyone handles grief differently.
So let’s review something we have all heard about. Kübler-Ross’ Five Stages of Grief.
Denial — Calls to concede. Likening it to a game that is over that an opponent won’t leave. This election is not a basketball game. This is not something you just get over and walk away from. We should be allowed the space to be hopeful. What is the rush to make a man concede when HRC was in the same position and also decided to take her time in bowing out. She sure may have done it earlier that Sanders did but the fact is she bowed out when she was ready. He’s not ready. We’re not ready. It’s not hurting your Candidate’s place to have him here. Your calls to have him concede are just a tactic to humiliate him and bully him. Have some grace, people.
Anger — When you post articles about people threatening to not vote for HRC to be a sign of privilege I say this. YES, it is a PRIVILEGE. It is the privilege of standing on the shoulders of the women and People of Color before me who fought for my right as a Woman of Color to vote in this country. MY RIGHT TO VOTE IS A SACRED PRIVILEGE and it is not a dramatic statement to say some people risked their lives for my right to do it so I do not take this privilege lightly. So when you call me privileged. FUCK YES, IT IS MY PRIVILEGE TO VOTE WITH MY HEART AND WITH MY CONSCIENCE FOR THE RIGHT CANDIDATE AND NOT THROW MY VOTE AWAY BECAUSE THIS SYSTEM IS FUCKED. And speaking of privilege. You know what is a sign of privilege? To think you can DEMAND the votes of people or think that people OWE you their vote because you ticked the same box. THAT is the real privilege here. DO NOT GET IT TWISTED.
Bargaining — Do you want me to vote for your candidate? TELL ME WHY. And don’t give me hyperbole about some dystopian future where the leader of the previously free world is an orange potato. Tell me why. Tell me about the things that matter to me that HRC is going to care about. Tell me about how my daughter is going to be able to go to college and not enter into her adulthood in mountain of debt. Or how when and if she decides one day she wants to be a parent she’ll have the means to enter into parenthood in a way that won’t cripple her. Talk to me like I’m your friend, BECAUSE I’M YOUR FRIEND, RIGHT? Tell me about how, yea the guy I fell in love with didn’t work out but that’s okay because here are the things right around the corner. Not, SETTLE FOR THIS NEXT ONE BECAUSE OTHERWISE YOUR NEXT LOVER IS GOING TO BE A RAPIST WHO MURDERS YOU AND ALL YOUR CHILDREN. It is insulting to be constantly be talked down to. And it leads me to….
Depression — Let me tell you about a few phrases that are designed to have the exact opposite effect of its actual words. “Get over it.” “Let it go.” “Relax.” Give us the room and the space and the breadth to mourn. This feeling comes in waves and it is not one we cannot control. It is bigger than us. And WE ARE SAD. I AM SAD. I AM SAD FOR MY CHILD. I AM SAD FOR MY HUSBAND. I AM SAD FOR THE WORLD. I need to be sad. Let me be sad. Try not to be an asshole about it.
Acceptance — We’ll get there but if you push us we never will. So please, accept us and allow us to accept you.
Love, Gen
